Post-it Note #22: Mean Girls

I was recently taking my daughter and her best friend to Girl Scouts when they started talking about another girl at school.  A mean girl.  She’s a mouthy one.  As mean girls usually are.  She’s a tiny little thing not as big as a minute but has an attitude and a mouth the size of a bus.  So mean girl has been picking on my girl.  Naturally, as a mom, I want to snatch her up and wash her mouth out with soap AFTER I teach her Mama a lesson about teaching kids good manners.

Mean girl is taunting my girl and calling her “preachers daughter” and criticizing her singing and telling her she’s dumb and she can’t play with her and her friends because only the pretty girls can play with them, etc., etc.  Ok, take a deep breath mom and keep it cool, here’s an opportunity for a life lesson, NOT a lesson in saying everything I think about this mean girl.  Time for facts and truth to triumph over feelings.  Hmmm, and I thought it was going to be a life lesson for these girls………looks like this life lesson is for me as much as it is for them.

Me:  Ok girls, let me tell you the truth.  Whether you’re in elementary school, middle school, high school, college, work place, family reunion or church, there will ALWAYS be a mean girl.  Always.  I hate it that you’ve come face to face with this, but this is life ladies.  So the question is, what do you do about it?

Best Friend: My Momma says she’s jealous.

Me:  Your Mom is exactly right.  What do we know about this girl?

Best Friend:  Her Momma is in jail.

My girl:  Her Daddy takes drugs

Me:  There you have it.  This girl is hurting.

Best Friend:  Well, I’m going to make her hurt if she doesn’t leave us alone.

Me:  You’re awesome! (I didn’t say that……I only thought it.) 🙂

Me:  I know that’s how you feel.  But you have to understand that she IS jealous.  You girls have something she doesn’t.  You have family that loves you.  Your Moms think you’re awesome.  We know you are beautiful and tell you so.  You’re smart.  You do great in school.  You are talented (these 2 sang together in the school talent show and did super).  You are loved so much.  She wants what you have and she feels terrible about herself.  So in order to make herself feel better she thinks she has to tear you down.  Every mean girl I’ve ever met is exactly the same.  Whether they are 9 or 49.  Some people only feel good when they make others feel bad.

My girl:  Well, that’s not nice and I don’t know why it makes her feel good.

Me:  I know. But it’s always the same. Have you told the teacher?

Them: No

Me:  So here’s what you do ladies.  You don’t listen to her lies and you believe the truth.  The truth is you belong to God and He loves you and has created you in His image.  You’re smart and beautiful.  He has a purpose for your lives and He loves you incredibly and You. Are. Awesome!

Me:  Tell the teacher.  She will do something about it.  I know her and I trust her to do what’s right.  Stay away from the mean girls if you can but when you can’t stay away from them, (they sit beside you) and you have to be near them, you’re to be missionaries.  You get to share the love of God with those around you.  And that means with mean girls too.  You’ve got to show her kindness and demonstrate God’s love to her….

Their eyes got as big as saucers.  I could have asked them to jump the Grand Canyon and they might have thought it was easier.

The lesson for my girl and her best friend are the same as for me and you.  There will always be a mean girl.  Always.  Someone who feels the need to cut you down and make you feel less than you are.  It might be a woman at work.  Could be your boss.  It might even be your Momma.  It could be your sister or your best “friend” or some lady in Bible study.  It might be a neighbor, a Mother-in-law, someone from the PTA or serving on a committee with you.  There is ALWAYS a mean girl.

We can’t believe the lies they say.  We have to listen to the voice of truth.  The voice of God reminding us what He has said about us.  What has he said about us?  He has said that…..

  • I am an original
  • I belong to Him
  • I’m a new creation
  • I’m never alone
  • I am more than a conqueror
  • I am whole
  • I am a treasure
  • I’m precious in His sight
  • I’m created in His image
  • I’m worth more than gold
  • I am loved unconditionally
  • I live for Him alone
  • I am wonderfully made

We have to believe the truth.  And we also have to share truth.  Kill them with kindness.  Stay away from the mean girls if that’s what you have to do to keep from being hurt all the time.  But sometimes you have to work with the mean girl.  You live with the mean girl.  You’re related to the mean girl.  The mean girl signs your paycheck.  When you can’t escape the mean girl, then show them God’s love.

And above all things…………..tell The Teacher.  He is concerned about how you feel.  You can trust Him to do something good.  He sees your hurt, but tell him how you feel.  Tell him about the pain.  Maybe He will use you to bring healing to the heart of the mean girl, but probably, He will change your heart and bring healing to you.  He will do something about it.  His grace is enough to help you deal with the mean girl.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)  There is always a mean girl………….but God is always with you.  He’s always big enough.  His grace is always present.  He is always telling you the truth.  He’s the voice you listen to.

That seems like a really good place to end doesn’t it? Yep – but I think I’m going to throw in an extra paragraph (or two) for any guys out there reading this blog.  This is free of charge.  I worked at a college for a decade in student leadership/development and I’ve seen lots of couples match up and find their mate.  If you are a single man looking for more than a good time, but looking for a good life, you’re going to have to stay away from the mean girls.  Mean girls might be ok to take to the movies, but they’re not so good as wives and moms.

Avoiding a mean girl might seem obvious, but it’s not.  Because mean girls are not only mean, they are sneaky.  She will not reveal to YOU, or any other man, that she is mean because she wants to impress you and eventually take something from you.  You need a woman who will bring you good and give strength to your life.  So heed this advice and it might save you some heartache and tons of money in marriage counseling…..if you want to know a woman’s true character…………..ask another woman.  If there’s a woman in your world that you can trust, a sister, cousin, friend, etc. ask her what she thinks.  Most of the time, women can tell quickly who the mean girls are.  We’ve had lots of practice.  Ask any woman.  She knows who the mean girls are.  So if there’s a trusted woman in your world saying “I’m not sure she’s the one” it might be good to listen.  Same goes for single girls.  If you want to know what a guy is like when you’re not around………ask another guy.  If there’s a godly man in your world, his counsel is worth seeking.

And my last soap box for you single friends out there is this…..if you’re dating someone and you’ve figured out they are one of the mean ones.  Stop.  It won’t get better.  It will only get worse.  If you think you can continue this relationship and your kindness or love will rub off on them and make them better, then sweet one, you are heading for a heartache.  If they are mean while they are still trying to win or impress you, then what will life be like when they’ve put a ring on your finger?

And for anyone in a relationship that is abusive.  Please find a safe place and get some help.  God never intends for you to be abused at the hands of someone who should love, PROTECT, and respect you.  You are awesome and you are loved.  You are valued and you are amazing.  My prayers are with you for peace and safety.  Beloved, if you’ve forgotten who you are, click on the link below and let the video below remind you.



Remind Me Who I Am


  1. Linda says:

    Awesome Connie!

  2. connie i enjoyed this blog. i only had one girl to be mean to me in grade school and we ended up being best friends. she hurt my feelings over something she heard her mom talking about and when i went home crying my mom got her mom straight on her facts. When i was in third grade my friend told me i didn’t have a daddy, and i asked my mom why she said that . My mom told me not to cry because i knew that i did have a daddy that just because my dad didn’t live with us didn’t mean i don’t have a daddy; Back then people talked about a person who was divorced so my mom had to put up with a lot of hurt because she couldn’t live with a man who drank and ran around on her. She did what she should have done she got herself and her two girls out of a bad situation. That same little girl would always tear a new dress i had or try to make me cry. I really liked her a lot but it was hard for me until we entered high school . And then her dad left . i guess that made her see how i felt . maybe it was because she got saved , anyway she changed. and we were best friends. i was always taught to forgive someone if they were truly sorry . i had a good mom and gandma and i could always talk to them about anything. and i thank God i did have them. All girls and boys don’t have that and I feel like you do talking to a teacher is a good thing . So sorry they are having to go thru this. Growing up is so hard. Teaching them to pray for her is good too. We all know God can turn this child’s life around. Keep up the good work on the blog . Your friend in Christ

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